This is simply a list of my very fond memories from this Holiday Season.

When my grandfather received his American flag, the entire family stood up, placed our hands over our hearts, and said the pledge of allegiance. Very Griswald

Playing a Chuck E Cheese with Erin, Jess and Abby

Learning to waltz in the sanctuary at Lauren's church after talking through life's most pressing questions with my dearest of friends.

Walking through the mall with Casey.

Slumber Party

A day at the spa with C1 & C3.

Actually, anything that involved C1&C3!

Talking with Justin at Starbucks.

Breakfast with Melissa's family.

Dinner with the old school crew.

There are just a few notes so I won't forget what a wonderful time I have had. I do love the holidays and being home. I adore my friends and family and just can't quite figure out why I have been so blessed.

How does this work

I LOVE the song by Peter Gabriel: Book Of Love. I love it! I want to be read to. I want to be over the part where you try and figure everything out and you misinterpret and feelings are all over the place and it's awkward and hard. I want to know where I stand and be read to. I want someone to read to me!

I am so tired. So tired. It hurts actually. I am so tired and I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I just need to say no. Today I am working a full day, my second job, and then my friend is going to be here so how am I going to pick him up and take care of him? I just need to say no. NO! No, I can't pick you up from the bus station and take care of you and feed you and give you a power tour of Philly. NO, I can't work until 1:30am making baskets because they are due tomorrow and you don't have the man power to do something so crazy. No, I can't have a heart to heart and tell you everything that I am thinking and feeling (truth be told, I don't have time to think or feel). No, I can't hold your hand while you make plans for your event, that's not my job. No, I can't come to NY on my one day off! No, I can't be the one who carries the conversation all of the time. The problem is that, if I weren't so tired, I could LOVE to do all of the above. Right now I have nothing to offer. I can't do it and I have to say no!
In other news, I went to the teeny bopper event of the year last night.
Here was the line up: The Fray, Nelly Furtado, Nick Lachey, Pussycat Dolls, Rihanna, Hulk Hogan, JOJo, Chingy and Mario. It was hilarious. I ate and drank WAY too much. It was so fun. When we were driving over, everyone was like...you are no good, what's the problem? Do you have a bad attitude or something? I was just so tired but once I got in, it was on. I danced my heart out. (I did take a nap or two inbetween sets which everyone got a kick out of and wont let me live it down)
One final rant. I am not made to work. I'm not. That's all there is to it. I love NOT working. However, my life circumstance requires that I work, at least for now and that's fine. I get up every morning, put on my big girl clothes and do the job. That does not make me a professional. Just now I had to give an interview for pool director. I suck at managining. I do, I don't like it and I'm not good at it. I am good at making people feel good about themselves, and asking questions, and being hospitable and so on, but I am NOT good at being a professional.

I went to NY this past weekend to see the Christmas spirit that only NY holds. It was amazing, hustle and bustle, massive tree, light show at Sac's, window displays. It was magical.
Last night I worked until 11 which made yesterday a 14 hour work day. It is too much, I realize. I have basically shut down emotionally. I don't have any desire to connect with people, I don't want to be social, I don't want to ask questions, I just want to be alone and do nothing and read and watch a movie and not have to tell anyone about my day or how I am feeling or what I am thinking. There is one person who I don't mind talking too, but that is another story for another day. What I'm saying is that I am done, good for nothing, emotionally detached. BOO! I guess I will sleep in 2007!

Blah Blah Blah, that is all I hear everyday. Everyone around me at work is BLAH BLAH BLAH. Such good intentions. Mainly because I have 16 student workers that LOVE to sit and talk and BLAH BLAH BLAH. If it was something actually important, I would be really into it, I love that stuff. Instead it is BLAH BLAH BLAH, dorm Christmas decoration contest, BLAH BLAH BLAH, Jesus take the wheel, BLAH BLAH BLAH.
It's a good thing I don't have anything of importance to be doing because if I did, I definatley wouldn't be getting it done!

"Thank you SO MUCH for chatting with me and being a part of my term paper! I just turned it in yesterday, we'll see how I did! Your willingness to share your life and what God's been doing was MORE than encouraging! I hope you have a great Christmas and holiday time. You're a strong woman of God and it's so great to feel that I can stop in to see you as a friend. Thanks for your friendliness, openess, and being open for the love of Christ to flow through your life to those around you."

That is about as nice a compliment as you can get. A student here at Eastern wrote that in a card to me. Seriously, that made my day. How great that the Father is willing to use me even when it is beyond me how he could.

Seriously, I'm tired today. I usually get up and work out but this morning I hit the snooze button 4 times. My boss is driving me mad. I have, in the past, tolerated her pretty well, then I couldn't stand her, now I am back to toleratting her. How much grace can one person have? She came to a meeting that I am on the committee. Why would she do that? She has no say but she has to have her hand in every single pot. I don't get it.
Moving on from that oh so negative topic and on to something of importance...Grey's Anatomy.
I can't wait for tonights show. I think it is a rerun but I don't mind. I love it. McDreamy and Meredith better have some action or drama because if not, I am going to get very bored with that plot. It looks as if Burke and Christina will be able to fogive each other. What about Alex and Adison, did you see that look? It is so on!
That's all for now...I'm bored!

I created this blog to be incognito to some degree. I haven't told anyone that I even have a blog, mainly because it is easier for me to write if I don't think anyone will read what I'm writing. It shows that I have had 18 views on my page today. That makes me SO NERVOUS!

Ah the Holidays! I love the holidays. The tree, the lights, the shopping, the debt (oh wait, forget that one) Santa, friends, cakes...I love it all.
Really, I have nothing to say, I am just at work, having the most unfulfilling homemade salad of my life and being bored to death because if I leave the office, I will spend money and if I stay, I don't get a lunch break. Before it got so cold, I was able to go walking but now that it is bitter outside, I had to give that up for the treadmill. I did run out of blush and eyeliner yesterday so maybe I'll go to CVS for those item.
I had a really interesting conversation with an old buddie of mine yesterday. She is dealing with a guy who likes her and she just doesn't feel it back. Why I wonder, do we like or not like people that are so good. Why can't we just cross that threshold that allows us to like someone. He is good, Godly, fun, safe, smart, driven, cute...why can't she like him? It makes no sense. It makes no sense unless we just have no control. If we have control, we can decide who we fall in love with. Maybe that is just the point, it's not up to us.

The irony of it is, it says the last time I posted on this was over a year ago. The unfortunate part is that I have been blogging under a different login and somehow, I have forgotten my password so I guess all of those are lost forever. It seems like an easy problem to solve, but who knows.
It is Saturday and almost Christmas and I worked on my feet for 8 hours. It is strange how everything changes as you get older. I now work on my Saturdays instead of playing outside all day. When I was little the days seemed to go on forever. Now they pass by as if they never really happened. Saturday nights use to hold such wonder. I never knew what I would be getting myself into. Now, I am lucky to rent a movie. Usually I just throw one in that I own and have seen more times than can count on my fingers and toes. Tonight it is "Series of Unfortuanate Events." Jim Carey is really good in it I think.
Today I strung some Chrsitmas lights on our porch and it is helping to keep me in the mood. I have been feeling so spirited but all the work I have been doing tends to get me down. I don't like to work, I like to sit in coffee shops and read and write and listen to music. I like to window shop. I like to go to book clubs. I like to have good conversation. I like to clean up my room and wash my sheets. I like to go on walks. I like to browse the computer. What I don't like to do is go to work everyday. The reason I work is to support my life. What happens when my life becomes work? Then everything is backwards. It is all about work.
Today I also saw a picture of a guy I use to really like with his new girl. I didn't expect to have such a reaction because I haven't thought about him in about a year but he did cross my mind today. It was him who I talked to last year when I was working really late at the boutique. I would call him back on my drive home after a 12 hour work day. Today as I was driving home from the boutique, I recalled that and was shocked that it was a year ago. Then tonight I saw his picture. It gave me a strange feelings, like something lost. Mainly because I lost his friendship and it was important to me. It is strange how some people can dismiss others from their life. I have never been good at that. I would probably be much happier in life if I could learn how to do that. Instead, I just hang on and fight.
Just a note, you really shouldn't blog late a night after a long day, you tend to say stuff you would normally never consider saying!