This Morning

I have to tell about my morning, it was so hilarious to me. Got up at the crack of dawn to do a little exercising but all morning I felt a little off. It took me longer to get ready than normal, I was all over the place, etc. So I'm all ready to leave for work and I grab all of my things...purse, bag of goodies, my lunch and my cup of coffee. As I'm walking down the step, I have inadvertently turned my hand which is holding my coffee cup and I pour the entire cup down my bag of goodies. So I'm smearing coffee all over the place tyring to clean it up. I pour my coffee into a travel mug and finally get into the car. As I'm driving I finally realize that I have been sipping out of the wrong end of the cup and it has poured all down the front of me. AHH! So now I'm halfway to work, my entire life is covered in coffee and I'm realizing that I am taking a friend to dinner after work and he is meeting me there so I won't be able to change. What is a girl to do? I am at a stand still on the interstate, snow falling so heavily all around me, I don't have heat in my car because some jerk decided to steal my CD player and take my heat with him, and I'm covered head to toe in winter garb and coffee. So I do what anyone would do, I CRANK up Pat Benatar's "We Belong." This is the kind of song that requires you to beat your steering wheel as you sing at the top of your lungs. So I'm singing and beating, all bundled up and the I realize...every car on every side is staring at me. And well they should be, I look ridiculous. However, I did make it to work with a big ole smile on my face and I have been laughing ever since. Thank you dunkin donuts coffee mug and thank you Pat Benatar!

The Picture of Dorian Gray

I have been reading like a mad woman lately. I usually go in spurts like this. I'll get in "movie watching move" or "book reading mode." I received several books from my family, some of which I would have picked out myself, some not so much, however, I feel like it owe it to them to read them all. So on Saturday and part of Sunday I read a book by Kim Edwards called The Memory Keepers Daughter. It was about a doctor who delivers his wife's twin babies one snowy night only to find that one of them has a deformity. He immediately send the child off with the nurse to be sent to an institution without his wife knowing. The nurse can't bring herself to leave the child so she runs away and takes the baby with her. I realize this all sounds pretty hokey and I was leery at first. The most interesting part of it is how keeping this secret is also driving an irreplaceable wedge in his marriage and with his relationship with his son. It is definitely worth a Saturday afternoon sit down.

Sunday and part of yesterday I read Lucy by Jamaica Kincaid. This is a story of an Au pair who moves in with a family of six to watch the kids. Throughout the book, Lucy is able to compare, dismiss, and draw her own conclusive ideals based on the premise that the family she's working for are not perfect as originally thought. Kincaid has an addictive style about her. I read this book out loud because it flowed so beautifully. There were moments where I was able to step outside of myself and hear the words as if it were someone else speaking them. *Some sexuality so beware* My favorite part from this book are when Lucy sees the Mother Maria do something particular for example, not eat her dinner because she doesn't like the taste or to throw a shirt out because she doesn't like the look anymore. Lucy, being from an impoverished society, would always say, "how does one become like that?" Well said!

Finally, I began The Picture of Dorian Gray last night and must say, I am most excited about this book. Evidently it is the only book Oscar Wilde ever wrote, will go down in history as the "last work of classic Gothic horror fiction" This is very strong language but basically, a very beautiful man sells his soul to the devil in a way to control his own physical beauty. It is a reminder of how each act thereafter affects his soul. Here is an expert,

"I know he likes me. Of course I flatter him dreadfully. I find a strange pleasure in saying things to him that I know I shall be sorry for having said. As a rule, he is charming to me, and we sit in the studio and talk of a thousand thing. Now and then, however, he is horribly thoughtless, and seems to take a real delight in giving me pain. Then I feel, that I have given away my soul to someone who treats it as if it were a flower to put in his coat, a bit of decoration to charm his vanity, an ornament for a summer's day."

And another...

"I have grown to love secrecy. It seems to be the one thing that can make modern life mysterious or marvellous to us. The commonest thing is delightful if one only hides it. When I leave town now I never tell my people where I am going. If I did, I would lose all my pleasure. It is a silly habit, I daresay, but somehow it seems to bring a great deal of romance into one's life."

What can I say, I find it profound and beautiful.

JOB

I serioulsy hate my job today. Usually I one...like my job, two...tolerate my job, or tree...ignore my job. Today, I serioulsy hate my job. Hate is so negative...let's say, I would rather eat barbed wire than be sitting at this desk. Okay, that is still a bit harsh. I just would rather be doing something else. My boss has been hovering, my phone is ringing off the hook, there is a huge meeting today and another one tomorrow which means I will be coming in on Saturday. Plus, I had to do my second least favorite task today which is making signs. This is second only to ordering office supplies. The way the office is set up, we don't have a secretary or an administrative assistant so most of that grunt work fall on me, mainly because I'll just do it and not complain but also, they hired me as the "face of the office." If I had known that really meant the "beck-and-call girl" I may have recosidered this job. BLAH! Negative...I'll write more later that is more positive!

AH Yes

Ah yes, it's all coming back to me now. HA! Wow, this little nugget must have had a very profound impact on me. Hopefully it will. So this book that I'm reading has a chapter about prayer. I have just found it very interesting the way that over time and with different denominations, we approach prayer. Okay that is very obscure. What I am saying is that in Jewish tradition, although room is left for spontaneous prayer, the back bone to a prayerful life is through liturgical prayer.

Liturgical=of or characterized by ceremony

So I guess the idea is that a fixed order of prayer and content demands personal commitment to prayer as a discipline. "When you don't have to think all the time about what words you are going to say next, you are free to fully enter into the act of praying; you are free to participate in the life of God."

So I'm thinking about this the other night and trying to process how to insert a bit of "rote" prayer into my life. I start with the Lord's Prayer since really, it is the only example of prayer in the scriptures that I have memorized. Come to think of it, I did have a little trouble with the ...
forgive us our (debts, transgressions, sins) as we have forgiven (our debtors, those who transgressor against us, have sinned against us). See my confusion. Anyway, what I did notice is that you do seem to enter into a tranquil place during this ritual. So I was really excited about this process.
Then, by divine appointment, I turned in my "Devotional Classics" for the day to an excerpt from John Baillie on Morning Prayer. Ironic? Nope...Divine!

He says a different prayer for every day of the week. I LOVE the prayer from Monday so my plan is to memorize it and use it:

Eternal Father of my soul, let my first thought today be of You, let my first impulse be to worship You, let my first speech be Your name, let my first action be to kneel before You in prayer.
For Your Perfect wisdom and perfect goodness;
For the love with which you love mankind;
For the love with which you love me;
For the great and mysterious opportunity of my life;
For the indwelling of Your Spirit in my heart;
For the sevenfold gifts of Your Spirit;
I praise and worship You, O Lord.
Yet let me not, when this morning prayer is said, think my worship ended and spend the day in forgetfulness of You. Rather from these moments of quietness let light go forth, and joy, and power, that will remain with me through all the hours of the day;
Keeping me chaste in thought;
Keeping me temperate and truthful in speech;
Keeping me faithful and diligent in my work;
Keeping me humble in my estimation of myself;
Keeping me honorable and generous in my dealings with others;
Keeping me loyal to every hallowed memory of the past;
Keeping me mindful of my eternal destiny as a child of Yours.
Through Jesus Christ my Lord. Amen

What do you think?

Today

Today...well today I didn't really learn any type of notable lesson other than the fact that Wet Shine Diamonds Nail Polish chips all too easy. Yesterday, yesterday, I learned something of note. Like I have mentioned, I am reading a book called Mudhouse Sabbath. Yesterdays chapter...come to think of it, I can't remember. I have been meaning to blog this all day and now...nothing. It could be because I am hungry and thinking of what to have for dinner, or could be that I am half-heartedly watching Mansfield Park and it is turned up really loud. Plus the part that is on now is where the hero reads a passage from his favorite book to the heroine. I love that part. If it comes to me...I'll get back to you. Until then, I'm off to tend to my tuna salad. YUM!!!

BOO BLACK

Boo the black background. Sometimes I don't want to choose a color. Sometimes I want to write in plain ole black. Boo!
Monday-blah
Got up, did a little run, feeling good about it, had lunch with the boss lady, had a little chat with Case who made it home safe and sound, that about does it. DJ Lee is now trying to tell me we aren't friends. HA. I'm your friend...you just haven't seen me in a while. I am going to try and supress the idea to run to the mall for several exchanges and just go home for a sit down. Maybe make some tea and eat raw carrots. The carrots are to lose weight and the tea is to give me a little comfort that I am eatting raw carrots. Oh yeah, I did have to make a run to Staples. Big Emergency! There is a meeting tomorrow and the group didn't have...brace yourself...a flip chart. I know I know...emergency. I dropped EVERYTHING and RAN to Staples. Whew, that was close. These little event planner emergencies are going to send me to an early grave. HA!
PEACE!

Thank you Lauren

I had a very profound conversation with Lauren yesterday. She will probably think this is funny because for one...we were chatting over skype for like 2 seconds but also, she was just being herself, challenging, and I so took what she said to heart! She was asking me why we are so hesitant to be transparent. I have been keeping a blog for a little over 2 months now and haven't shared it with anyone. There are plenty of reasons for this, primarily, privacy. I prefer to hold onto my thoughts. This may strike some as a contradiction of terms...Reagan+discretion=absurd. The truth of it is, I love to tell stories and play games, but I don't like to share the dark places of my soul or even the light places of my soul. I am in a different place in life than most of my close friends that blog. Lauren has the discipline, Casey has the will, Ben has the knowledge. I work for a Christian University but the parameters of my experience there are the four walls of our little cottage that houses four, really confused and discouraged individuals. I guess only three. I am not that confused or discouraged, just lazy. These are just excused so I will do it differently. For my own sanity, I have deleted a few entries but this is a good start.

I will take the liberty to write about frivolous things as well as the profound. Knowing me, you will definitely get more of the frivolous but that is fun too. For example, last night a crew and I went to this club to do a little dancing. Everyone was having way too much fun and where do I find myself...dancing like a mad man, everyone wondering how much I must have had to drink HA! (Little do they know that us Union People can dance with the best of them without any type of stimulant.) It must have been Beth and me that danced the hardest and the longest without a drink in our hand! I love it. It really was fun to be out with everyone although I was dreading it at first.

Now, a smidge of the profound. I was reading in Romans this morning (I know, dangerous territory) Let this one smack you in the face. It is after the 'oh so painful' remark "And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done." Dang! Then an entire list of those things...painful. Then the part that really got me. "Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God's kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?" Holy conviction! This is me. This is me. I PRESUME on the riches of the Lords kindness. This is a very dangerous place to be. I must move away from this type of relationship with the Lord.

Wow, that is WAY too much transparency for my first day on the job. Moving on...

MySpace.com

Well I just paid an enormous amount of money for a plane ticket to visit Casey in Lithuania. I must be crazy to always spend so much money. I am excited though. I love to travel, I love to spend time with Casey, and I love to spend large sums of money so it looks like it is a good idea.

Weird

So far, this day is turning out to be such a strange day. It is rainy and dreary, which always alters moods. Jer's grandma passed away this morning so he is really sad, and I was thinking about old dreams I use to have when I was driving in. I feel a weight today. It's strange. I feel like there is a little cloud over us. I suppose somewhere, someone is the happiest they have ever been but it kinda feels like everyone must be a little sad today. The Christmas tree is still up in my office. Mainly because Megs decides when it comes and when it goes. She has not been around to make that call, so it sits here, all light up so it doesn't go to waste, but just looking at it is depressing. Like holding on to things past, which is what I seem to do. Hold onto things past. I'm sentimental. I can't help it. I don't want to let things go.

New Years Resolutions

I have not made the time to think about my New Year Resolutions. A lot of people don't like to make them. I however, am a huge fan. I like them because I am always one to need a bench mark. For example; "I'll start my diet on Monday" or "I'll do my laundry on Saturday" or "next semester" (even though I haven't been in school for 3 years) The point is, I like new, definate turning points. New Years, birthday, anniversaries and such are prime times to take a minute and think about it all.
I need to make some time this week to do so but just off the top of my head...

• Do better with most of my relationships primarily the Lord and my inner circle
• Read the bible because I want to but even if I don't, read it anyway because I have promised God a "yes" even if it is a crappy "yes"
• Take care of my body by exercise, eating healthy and cutting out alcohol.
• Remember Birthdays (stolen from Vaughn)
• Send cards in the mail more often
• Keep in touch with my Grandparents better
• Make no impulse spending decisions. Sit on it!

That is just a list off of the top of my head. I will revisit this list with some adjustments I'm sure.